People think I'm strong but really, underneath this shell lies two very different personalities. Ever wondered why you could never figure me out? That's because you're not seeing the two personalities as being separate from each other. One of them is tough, bitter, disillusioned, swears, and doesn't want anything to do with insufferable bloody idiots; The other one is innocent, forever hopeful, idealistic, loves fairytales and looks forward to finding the perfect man. Both of them know that the perfect man is: 1) NOT an idiot. 2) Enjoys and appreciates their sense of humour. 3) Can handle her mood swings. 4) Able to keep up with her or, better yet, be one step ahead of her sometimes.

Ben_Romans Kellie Bao_Ling Agnes Pei_Shi Joakim Jayne Zine Lee_Peng Spelling June Xi_Xi Jessica Min_Shen Lippy Jun_Yin

Sigh...
Been nearly DROWNED by a wave of depression. It's totally natural that it should come now. After all, I haven't been attacked by this emotion for a gazillion years! So... yeah, I'm not surprised by its appearance.
Agnes has a cool job in Singapore where she gets to meet people from all walks of life and more importantly, "angmohs". Isn't that the greatest job ever? It is to me! Although Yvon and Bao Ling are working in Malaysia, they seem happy enough with what they are doing now. I know for a fact that Yvon is kind of worried coz she doesn't know what she wants to do in the future. I will admit that I was stunned when she announced that she might not be doing her SPM after all. I mean, isn't it something that you should at least have? Can't really imagine not having an SPM cert but seeing how she had to repeat her Junior Three year once and Senior One year twice, I don't think I should really be surprised. Wen Kang is studying Cambridge English in J.B. (I think). Is he really planning on going to go to U.K. like me after he heard my plans? I'm not sure but a not-so-small part of me wishes he won't! I know it's not nice to think that but I really don't like the idea of it ... Should I repent for my sins?
Anyway, I'm just lazing around at home everyday now, not feeling like working coz I REALLY don't like going home late at night. As you know, J.B. is not exactly the safest town in the world ...
So, back to my depression, right? I kind of feel like I don't have an aim in life even though I KNOW that is so not true! I DO have an aim - that is to be an environmental scientist. Sounds boring? You are probably right but it's definitely a worthwhile occupation. I always dreamed of being someone glamorous when I was a kid but it looks like that's not going to happen! Sure, I still want to be glamorous but I don't know if I should try out for stuff like acting or performing because I'm still not quite convinced of my abilities. I'm camera-shy and I suffer from stage-fright. Pursuing a career in the show biz like SUICIDE!!! *sigh* A scientist it is then...
One of the reasons for my depression is that I'm afraid I won't be able to do what I really love. At times, I feel as if I don't know myself very well. What do I really like? I'm not that sure myself... I also think I have a commitment problem but let's not go into that. I don't like - more like, absolutely abhor - talking about my past relationships. I tend to let the past remain as the past. Why bring up all my previous mistakes, right? Makes no sense.
Let next year be a new start to my life. A new country (just imagine: a whole nation of strangers!), new relationships, new weather! LOL
I love the beginning of everything but it's the middle parts that I can't stand. I always begin each year with zest and vitality and I build up good relationships with people but after several months, I can't seem to keep them up. That is my HUGE personality flaw! Pray tell, who knows the cure to this problem??