WORLD BEHIND MY WALL

People think I'm strong but really, underneath this shell lies two very different personalities. Ever wondered why you could never figure me out? That's because you're not seeing the two personalities as being separate from each other. One of them is tough, bitter, disillusioned, swears, and doesn't want anything to do with insufferable bloody idiots; The other one is innocent, forever hopeful, idealistic, loves fairytales and looks forward to finding the perfect man. Both of them know that the perfect man is: 1) NOT an idiot. 2) Enjoys and appreciates their sense of humour. 3) Can handle her mood swings. 4) Able to keep up with her or, better yet, be one step ahead of her sometimes.





Sunday, May 25, 2008 x 10:21 PM

I was reading a friend's blog post and it was about how he would spend the last hour of his life. It made me think about how I would spend the last hour of my life. Definitely the first 35 minutes will be spent with my family (my dad and my uncle's family). 15 minutes to thank and show appreciation to my friends. I'll spend the last 10 minutes with the person I love. But then I started thinking: what if I can't find him? It will be chaos during those last few minutes, everyone will be looking for somebody, what if I can't find him? Will I die searching for him yet never finding him? Will I die alone? Will my spirit never be put to rest?
The thing about the "deadly myths of love" is that I never assume that the three rules hold and never have felt that way. Every time I look for love, I look for a person who has all the good qualities I'm searching for in a life partner, not some perfect guy that cannot possibly exist except in romance novels. But sometimes, love just sucks. You think you've found an amazing person who is smart, good-looking, nice enough and has a great attitude about life, you think that nothing could possible go wrong this time THEN you're proven wrong. What can go wrong WILL go wrong, as if just to spite you. He turns out to be an asshole, a loser. And that's when you go, "Dammit! How could I have been so wrong?" but in a deep dark corner of your heart, you still aren't completely convinced of his asshole-ness and part of you still wants him to be The One. But of course, most of the time, he never turns out to be The One and he suddenly starts dating some girl who isn't even that great. By this time, either you're thinking, "He could do SOOO much better! He could have me! Is he blind or what?" or "Meh. I knew he was a loser." or your friend might find out about him dating someone else and say something like, "Why? Is he completely mad?". I don't know, maybe he really is totally bonkers! Meanwhile you find out that this guy you've known for for ages has always held a torch for you but you just don't feel the same way about him no matter how you try. Therefore I go back to my conclusion: love sucks. My advice? Stick to one night stands, things stay simpler that way and your heart will be safe. Oh, come on... I don't really mean that! I'm a staunch believer of "true love" no matter what. Either he'll see the light eventually or you'll find someone else just as good as he is (never hold the belief that you'll find someone better than him). Don't ever settle for second best because you'll come to regret your decision one day.