Sunday, September 14, 2008 x 7:56 AM
First there was disappointment, then there was hurt and betrayal. Things did not turn out the way he wanted but my gut instinct told me that something bad would happen, didn't it? And it was right. My gut was right. It started out as a great evening, Ali and I met up in the city and then came back to my place. We had our dinner and then celebrated with a bit of sparkling red. We put on our outfits and makeup then walked out to the bus stop. One girl we didn't even know hollered from her car that Ali was a slut, just because of her clothing! That shows how typical people are, judging by appearances alone, without even giving others the chance to prove their character. And maybe I've been giving too many chances. Maybe this should be the last time I do that. We got there just fine, first person I saw was... ok, I'm not quite sure who it was but my point is I spotted Amy and she looked gorgeous! She was dressed as cleopatra, which admittedly has nothing to do with the theme at all, which I repeat, is horror, monsters and superheroes. Maybe I'm just fixating on her because I'm biased but hey, can you blame me for it? It's perfectly excusable. And then I finally saw Kent, he was a ghostbuster. Just hilarious... Weird how so many people were already there before half past eight. Maybe it's just me being suspicious and paranoid but he told us to come at half past, saying that the decorations needed to be put up first. What if that wasn't it? What if he wanted to keep me out of the way, till all introductions were already made so he could avoid all awkwardness? What if for the first time, my paranoia isn't just paranoia and I'm actually right this time? Ali and I gamely hung out at the scene for an hour and a half, talking to a few people, Cassie, Jimmy, Sam, Fletcher (his name reminds me of a character from a book I once read), and a few other people. We left at 10pm and went to the "Cranchor" (aka the Crown and Anchor). It was a totally different scene there. There were so many different types of people there. Naturally, Ali turned heads in her outrageous outfit, she attracted a lot of male attention of course. Of course I noticed how the men's gazes tended to pass over me and linger on Ali. I was alright with that, not having attention from those kind of men was hardly a tragedy at all. A couple of guys came to talk to us. One of them was a big bear of a man with kind eyes, named Ben; the other? No idea who he was. Then this guy named Scott came panting when he saw Ali. If there ever was a bigger piece of shit, I don't think I've ever met it... but I'm getting ahead of myself. Yes, so Scott came to "talk". After hanging around for some time, he said to Ali that I didn't like him. "Well, obviously. A sleazeball like you? I don't expect many people like you." I didn't say it out loud but I sure thought it. He started pawing at Ali, First he did this totally crazy thing, Ali was wearing safety pins in her ears, and he said he wanted to pierce his ears too. So he borrowed the safety pins from Ali and one of his friends pierced his ears just like that, right there amidst the crowd! Unbelievable eh?! Afterwards he said to Ali, "A kiss?" Ali turned to kiss him on the cheek but he turned his face around and caught her lips with his. I think that was when I started disliking him. When Ali didn't protest his kissing her, he started sniffing her neck, holding her waist and even, most outrageously, groped her arse. Maybe I was just too overprotective but I couldn't help myself, Ali is my best friend and I can't handle seeing her treated like a piece of meat. When Ali went to the toilet, Scott said to me, "What does it feel like to have your friend always being the centre of attention?" I suppose in some deep recess inside me, that hurt a bit. But mostly I didn't care for that kind of "attention" as he called it. If I had to choose between being eyeballed like a juicy piece of meat and remaining bless-fully in the background, what would I choose? No prizes guessing which. Of course the appropriate response would have been a cold smile but I don't think he would have caught my meaning. He said something else too, something that could have been said innocently or maybe it was aimed to hurt my self-confidence and to shake me. Either way it didn't really work. Then out of the blue, some guy I don't even know who had railroad tracks all over his face, touched my waist. He looked at my reaction, which was a cold stare, I was trying to convey the intention that I would chop his hand off if he did that again but maybe I'm not good at looks. I wanted to say that if he did that again, he could say goodbye to his hand and I think at that crazy moment, I would really have cut his hand off too. The night was taking a toll on me quite a bit. But I kept my cool, I told Ali I was going back to Kent's party. She looked at me and said if we were going to split up tonight, we had to make sure at the end of the night, we were both alright. I wasn't expecting her to say that, and what with everything else that's been happening, I'm ashamed to say I burst into tears. The nice man I mentioned before, named Ben, was kind of startled too. Ali pulled me into an embrace. She walked me over to the Electric Light Hotel as we talked. First thing I saw when I got back there was Kent talking to a few friends, and Amy was by his side, like the dutiful girlfriend. How sweet. How f**king sweet. Except I was the girlfriend now, not her, and there she was acting like they were still a couple. Was it her little illusion or was I the one who was finally beginning to see things for what they were? I think I really had had enough just then. Ali pulled him aside, told him to look after me because she was going to the Cranchor. According to Ali, his response was, "You're her friend, that's why you're here." And she said, "Well, now I'm going to the Crown and Anchor where I feel I'm wanted. She wants to be here because she feels she's wanted here. You're her boyfriend. Who else should be looking after her?" And they started arguing. I tried to break them up but I didn't quite make it happen. We took the "talk" outside. I was crying, of course. He was upset, said that was exactly the kind of thing he didn't want happening on his 30th. And I said, "No one else saw it, what're you so worried about?" And he stared at me like I didn't get it. And maybe I didn't. Was it wrong for me to expect him to at least just have me join his and his friends' conversation? That was all I wanted to do. And when I started to tell him that I got groped, he seemed like he was concerned at first but when I said it happened at the Cranchor, he told me, "This is South Australia, that's how it is." Convenient that he forgot what he said before about him being upset if I got drunk and kissed some other man or went home with another man. I couldn't help wondering: is it because it happened at the Cranchor, that's why he felt he couldn't do a thing about it? Because it wasn't at his party, so he didn't have to be too unduly concerned? Then Amy called him on the mobile. We've been out for ten minutes tops and she's calling him on the phone already? Yes I know it's his party and he should be there entertaining his guests but seeing him run to the beck and call of Amy totally broke me. I nearly said the words just then, I nearly told him, "I guess I'll see you around." He went back to his guests without a second glance. How did things that started so right take such a bad turn? I hate his impossible logic that makes him sound like he's the good guy and what happened or what he chose to do was him trying to "do the right thing". Weirdly, I'm not saying (the way I normally do), at the first sight of trouble, that I'm tired of all this crap. In a way, I find it all quite interesting. A part of me says that's life, you gotta experience a bit of pain to grow up. And hey, maybe I am growing up. Maybe I'll come out of this battered and bruised but still surviving. After all, what doesn't kill you makes you stronger right? There is this small detached part of me that might have been converted by Jiv into a cold, calculating bastard (or bitch, in this case) and that part of me is watching all this drama with slight amusement and making notes and studying... And the worst thing is, I keep seeing Ben's kind eyes looking at me as Ali and I went back to the Cranchor again. He was a kind man...
