Tuesday, March 10, 2009 x 8:52 AM
This is the 2nd week of the semester. I've been so emotionally wrung out over the past week. For the first time in a long while, I started freaking out and stressing out over uni and the four assignments that have to be done by the end of this month. How the f*** am I supposed to get them all done? I don't want to come off as feeling sorry for myself but I really feel like a lot of pressure has been placed on me this year. It's probably just me though. Being homesick at the same time doesn't help. My mom told me a few times during her sickness that there were times when she still needed her own parents to be there for her. I now completely understand that. Ever felt like you just wanted to be a kid again and that you could just run into your parents' arms and they would hug you and kiss your forehead and make everything right again? This is the ONE TIME I've ever felt this way since my mom passed away.
I'm so wracked with guilt for not being more attentive to her needs when she was around. I wish I had done more for her when I could and now that I could use any motherly love, she's not here for me, just like I wasn't there for her enough when she needed me. I miss her so much...
The one blessing in my life right now who's close enough to make a difference is Kent. He is my rock; He keeps me anchored when my first instinct is to run as far as I can from my adult responsibilities; He shows me that life doesn't have to be so stressful and that even though last minute work may not be the best quality work but at least I have something to hand in to the lecturers (lol); He makes me breakfast in bed (why are my cheeks wet at this point?) and holds me close when my fears threaten to overwhelm me.
A thought occurs to me - am I mourning something or someone? Is that why i've been so easily upset recently?
